So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
