White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize