hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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