it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
