i need an iv and a liver transplant
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
