Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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