i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
