I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
