So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
