Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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