i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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