Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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