A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
