Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
