I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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