using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
