At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
