How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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