i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
