the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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