6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
