I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
