I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you had me at cake vodka
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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