You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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