remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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