That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
