i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
