i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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