do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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