i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
