you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
