If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
