Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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