guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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