i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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