I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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