I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
