He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
