its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
