At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
