He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
