it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
