Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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