constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize