it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
