Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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