Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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