the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
