On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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