a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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