I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
