I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
