just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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