Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize