What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
PANTIES FOUND
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