we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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