am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
