Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
