so that wasnt chicken after all
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
