If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
