Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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