when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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