Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
