Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
